Many Moons...

Ago I found myself writing here. I don't know what happened. I lost my words. I got stuck. I'm hoping I'm unstuck.

I got busy. I got careless. I stopped thinking and feeling and just stayed in one place. It's not so hard to do. Look around you. Many people are "stuck" and they don't even know it. I've known and lived with one of the most severely "stuck" people you can ever imagine. And, I'm so relieved we've severed most of our ties. Let me stress MOST though. There's always the final tie that binds and I have continued to let that tie bind me to him. Oh, it's no one's fault but my own. It's a matter of old habits dying hard. I don't quite know how NOT to be the person I was when I was around him when I encounter him.

Let me digress: When I am free of his presence, which is most of my life, I am ME. The ME I have re-discovered. I am free, peaceful, grounded, comforted, reflective, and honest. I have worked hard to recapture my true self, my soul. Then, I encounter Mr. Stuck and it's goodbye ME, hello m.e.

And, before I knew it, he was rummaging and pillaging and robbing me blind again, but this time so insidiously that I didn't catch it. Then recently, I woke up and saw what was gone (again). I don't think I can just get it all back; I have to start over. And it's going to continue to be a battle.

I'm looking for a really good safe right now.